He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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