Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
