It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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