I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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