Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
home. puking in laundry basket.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
