I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
