You're a womanizer and a bitch.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
