I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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