he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
