Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
