are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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