is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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