I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
