I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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