We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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