my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
