If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
