She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
