farters have to be the big spoon...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
