I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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