nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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