my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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