im having a threesome with these popsicles
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
