Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
