shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm passing your future prison.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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