so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
is it fun? or sober?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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