I will die if light touches me.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
