remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
