i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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