margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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