R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
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