my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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