you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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