broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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