I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
