Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
