Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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