haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
