meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
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