yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
