shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
