I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
