Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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