a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize