Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
