You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
We're using joints as your birthday candles
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
