Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
