Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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