I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Randomize
