Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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