I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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