I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
