dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
