Who did Billy Mays play for?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
then he tried to convert me to islam
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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