there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I need moral support for this bender
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
