the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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