there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
