You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
