dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
