goodnight i made you a song goodbye
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize