i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
My ass is underappreciated
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
