Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
