Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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