getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize