I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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