just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
