In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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