Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
