You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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