I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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