Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
