im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
