Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
