it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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