ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
